Hey, Ma! You got a package from Amazon!

17 Nov

Listen, Ma, I know you’re super-busy at work doing your associate registrar thing, so let me help you open this package.

One second...

One second…

Let me just…I got it…I’m just going to hold it down with my right paw here, and…

Uh, ex-CYOOOZ me...

Uh, ex-CYOOOZ me…

You can just back up there, pupperazzi. I said I don’t need your help!

Hey, Ma (Woof!)

Hey, Ma (Woof!)

Ma, can you get this human with the camera outta my face? You know how I feel about cameras. And, geez…this carpet in Academic Records Office is totally disgusting!

Fine...

Fine…

I’ll turn around then…it’s none of your beeswax what’s in the box, anyway!

Tupper’s Tidbits: Top 5 Bryant Football Facts

14 Nov

 

TuppersTidbits-Fall2014_5

C’mon, Alberti, right through the uprights! AND THE KICK IS GOOD!

 

This article originally appeared in the November 13, 2014, issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

And just in time for a HUGE game between the 8-1 Bryant Bulldogs and the 8-2 defending NEC conference champs, the Sacred Heart Pioneers, I’m divulging facts about Bryant’s football team.

Bryant’s been around a long time – 151 years, to be exact. I’ve only been around four and a half of those years, but I know a lot about Bryant. I’m a bit of a history buff…BOL, just kidding. My mom writes a lot about Bryant, so she tells me all this stuff. Sometimes I listen. Okay, it’s rare, but I guess I absorb it through osmosis or something.

So I might know a few things about Bryant that you don’t. Knowledge is power, folks. So I’m going to tell you a bit about Bryant’s football team. I present to you “Tupper’s Top Five Bryant Football Facts – By The Numbers.”

  1. 1999! That’s the first year Bryant had a football team. No, seriously. That means that even freshmen are older than Bryant’s football team! Mom graduated from Bryant before we had a team. She’s very elderly, but she’s feisty, so don’t try to steal me while we’re at the games. She works out by carrying me up and down the stairs.
  1. TWO! That is the number of head football coaches the Bryant Bulldogs have had. Isn’t that crazy, when you think about it? Alabama has had 27. Of course, their team started playing in 1892. I think that’s the year my mom was born. BOL. Ba-dum-bump!
  1. EIGHT! That’s how many wins Bryant Bulldogs have had this season. It’s also the number of wins the Bulldogs had in 2006 and 2007. Before we became a Division I athletic school. Those eight wins in each of those years snared us the conference champion title. Alright, we were TIED for champion, but it’s still pretty pawsome. Mom says champions get to dump Gatorade over their coach’s head…who doesn’t want to see Coach Fine in Gatorade? Go, Bulldogs!
  1. THREE! That’s the number of hot dogs mom will share with me at the football games. I think this is totally unfair. I mean, there’s like TRUCKLOADS of hot dogs at the game. She says a lot of stuff in response to my asking for more. Sounds a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Too rich, too processed, pancreatitis, bark, bark, bark.

And the number one Bryant football fact by the numbers is:

  1. ZERO! That is the number of home football games I’ve missed since I became mascot in May 2010. We don’t always stay for the whole game – that depends on the weather and whether or mom feels like I’m in distress. But I’ve been at every home football game. The next one is Saturday, November 22. It’s also the last one of the season. Senior Day. Plan now; kick-off is at noon – I want to see everyone there.

So there you have it. Tupper’s Top Five Bryant Football Facts – By The Numbers. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Vine. Get at me! I’ll see you soon. ’Til next time…WOOF!

When I visit

6 Nov

Here’s the deal: Wherever I go, I expect the same treatment as the most highly regarded humans. Like a king or queen for instance. If there’s a chair, I must sit in it so that everyone in the room can get a better look at me and adore me.

Tup-Chair

A seat befitting my status

But then…THIS happens.

Nice job, Auntie Kristin!

Nice job, Auntie Kristin!

Mom puts me on the floor, and they use the lint brush. Personally, I think it’s to collect my hair to sell it on the black market…I’m so famous, everyone wants a piece of me! BOL! Still got my ball, though…

Tupper’s Take on Five Human-Animal Interactions

4 Nov
TupperTidbits_Fall2014-4

These are my people. With or without bacon. With is preferable, but I love you guys anyway.

This article originally appeared in the October 16 issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

There’s a Twitter account called @cuteemergency, and it’s all pictures of adorable baby animals. You don’t have to have a Twitter account to see them. Go ahead and check out “@cuteemergency”… I’ll wait. And wait. Did you SEE that fluffy baby duck?

It’s no big mystery why it’s got 1.3 million followers – humans are under so much stress and pressure constantly that they need a break from everything bad.

Okay, okay, I understand that not everyone gets to see me every day, so stress relief may be needed…BOL (Bark Out Loud for my newbie readers).  I’ve got an opinion on stuff, so I present to you “Tupper’s Take on Five Human-Animal Interactions”:

  1. HUMAN-ANIMAL BONDING. From elephant and tiger caretaker reunions (who hasn’t cried over those?) to those suffering from PTSD who feel better with their animals, we have an indisputable bond. We’re all on this planet together. You help me, I’ll bark and wake you up if the house is on fire…deal? Okay, I’m not being starved or anything, but I think this constant withholding of the bacon is mean, don’t you agree?
  1. POLICE/MILITARY ANIMALS. Drug-sniffing, bomb-sniffing, searching for lost children, searching for suspects, detecting mines, tunnels. These dudes are amazeballs! What? No, mom, “amazeballs” is a word…seriously. It’s on Dictionary.com as a slang meaning “enthusiastic approval.” I enthusiastically approve of these hard-working dogs. I mean, I couldn’t do it. Now, BACON-sniffing on the other paw…
  1. CIRCLE OF LIFE. A lot of humans freak out when they see bats. Mine doesn’t. She’s got bats that fly back and forth over her house all summer, from dusk on. She loves them because they eat mosquitoes. Of which, we got plenty. And I’m allergic to them. You know what I’m NOT allergic to? Bacon.
  1. SERVICE ANIMALS. There are dogs for the deaf, for the blind, for the wheelchair-bound. Dogs can detect cancer, insulin levels, and know when a human is about to have a seizure and protect them from harm. This elite group, true service dogs, are allowed anywhere except private homes. Emotional Support dogs help humans have a will to live, especially those suffering depression. Therapy dogs visit hospitals and such to give everyone a smile. All three groups must pass certifications and be registered. I’m a therapy dog. Obvi.

And the number one human-animal interaction I want to talk about is:

  1.  COLLEGE MASCOTS. Listen, college sports isn’t a big deal in New England – except for three places: UCONN, Yale, and Bryant University. Know why it’s a big deal here? Because these three schools have totally cool mascots beloved by many. Why do I stand out among such noble company? Because any student can come and pet me at most sporting events. I’m a dog of the people! Especially people with bacon.

So there you have it. Tupper’s Take on Five Human-Animal Interactions. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and Vine. Get at me! ’Til next time…WOOF!

P.S. DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!

 

Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items

24 Oct
TupperTidbits-Fall2014_3

But first…lemme take a selfie…

This article first appeared in the October 3, 2014, issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

When you’re a social media maven, such as myself, you see a lot of trending items. I have friends all over the world. Not kidding. And I see different trending items. I’m no different than most – I have opinions. So let’s put these things into a dog’s perspective. I present to you, “Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items”:

  1. ISIS. I don’t even understand what went so horribly wrong here. Isis used to be the Egyptianisis Goddess of Magic and Life. In the mid-1970s, she was on TV Saturday mornings – Archeologist by day, evil-fighting Egyptian goddess when needed. What’s that? Oh…mom says different Isis…well, how am I supposed to know that? She won’t let me watch the news because it’s too violent.
  1. iPHONE 6 BENDS. Wait…this is a problem? Oh, it’s not SUPPOSED to bend! That’s too bad, because now they’re too big to carry. Meh…it’s Apple. No one’s going to stop buying them…ever. They could be poop-shaped, and people would think it’s amazing. I guess my mom thinks my poop is amazing. She collects it…but I digress.
  1. CLOONEY GOT HITCHED. Take note, ladies…if Clooney did it, ANYONE can do it. Even me. I’m pretty much a confirmed bachelor at this point, though. I’ve got a girlfriend, but mom won’t let me talk about her. Okay, okay…her name is “Pillow.” That’s all I can tell you…
  1. WHITE HOUSE JUMPER. Uh, yeah, so somebody should probably do something about White House security. Maybe they should replace their guard dogs with bulldogs. I mean, if someone tries to run past me, I’m tackling them. Seriously. Don’t try it.

And the number one news item this week I want to talk about is:

  1. JETER RETIRES. Wow. Respect, indeed. In my five years of living, I’ve never seen such a production as #2’s farewell season. Whatever the controversy – some people say he wasn’t a great player, some say he was – one thing is certain: He was the consummate professional. I hope someone was taking notes on all the hullabaloo…my retirement is around the corner. But I want to see a LOT more bacon than I did for Jeter’s farewell season…A LOT MORE!

So there you have it. Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, Instagram, Vine, and Twitter. Get at me! ’Til next time…WOOF!

Tupper’s Top Five Questions – Answered (updated)

20 Oct

This article originally appeared in the September 25, 2014, issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

TupperTidbits-Fall2014_2-compressed

Looking pretty majestic at the entrance to Bulldog Stadium, if I do say so myself.

Being Bryant’s mascot is the most pawsome job in the world. I mean, I don’t have anything to compare it to, because this is my first and only job (so far), but I can’t imagine anything better. Well…maybe bacon tester would be better. But…nah, then I wouldn’t get to come to campus! Wait…can I be BOTH?

If we haven’t met yet, GET AT ME! I’m your OFFICIAL mascot. I’m the only real English bulldog mascot on campus who has a regular column in The Archway; a Facebook page; Twitter, Instagram, and Vine accounts; and a blog. Pretty sure I’m the only one, anyway…

At the start of every school year, I like to answer some of the most frequently asked questions. I present to you “Tupper’s Top Five Questions – Answered.”

  1. How’d you get picked to be the mascot? Look at me…one glance, and they were hooked. I was a gift to Bryant from Ron and Kati Machtley in honor of the Class of 2010 for exceeding their fundraising goals. Uncle Ron asked my mom, Tina Senecal ’95, ’08 MBA, if she would be my caretaker since she has French bulldogs and knew bulldogs’ special needs. She’s the lady who takes me to events. Claire Senecal, Associate Registrar (and Tina’s mom) is a certified dog trainer and temperament tester. She takes me to work, and she’s the major reason I’m such a good boy!
  1. Dude – why are you in a stroller? I can feel you judging me WAY over here, Judgy McJudgerton. Fact: I don’t like to walk; I’d rather ride. Other reasons include: I can suffer from heatstroke in minutes, I have a torn ACL, I’m allergic to grass, I’m at a better height for photos with people, and my shedding hair and drool are more contained in my stroller.
  1. Are you fat? No. Get over it, humans, I’m a bulldog. It’s how we’re built. Dogtor says I’m a healthy weight at 53 pounds. My head is giant, and my shoulders are broad. Period. ‘Nuff said.
  1. What’s with the ball? My ball! I love my ball! It’s so round, so perfect, so SQUISHY! It’s like a pacifier. Once I get it, I’m never giving it up!

And the number question you all want to know the answer to is:

  1. When are you on campus? Every home football game. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I’m in Academic Records. And then every chance I get! I love being on campus and saying hi to you guys. And getting scratchies. And then getting MORE scratchies.

So there you have it. Tupper’s Top Five Questions – Answered. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, TwitterInstagram, and Vine. Get at me! I’ll see you soon. ’Til next time…WOOF!

Top Five Homecoming/Reunion Activities

16 Oct

This article originally appeared in the September 19 issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

TuppersTidbits-Fall2014_1-compressed

Tailgating with the guys this year…break out the steaks! I’ll take mine medium rare, please….

What a whirlwind these first two weeks of school have been. The ups: Move-In Weekend, coming to campus three days a week, and a strong start for the Bulldogs athletic teams. The downs: Humidity and a pesky sports injury that prevent me from doing stuff.

Homecoming/Reunion, though? That’s one event you couldn’t keep me away from! (I make no promises if you have bacon, though…or my ball…either one of those could probably distract me…temporarily…) I present “Tupper’s Top Five Favorite Homecoming/Reunion Activities”:

  1. SPORTS! Traditionally, Homecoming is about football, and we got that (Congrats to Bulldogs getting that dub over nationally ranked University of Maine!). But we also had Bulldog games in volleyball, field hockey, and soccer, plus alumni games in soccer, softball, lacrosse, and baseball. Did somebody say, “ball?”
  1. TAILGATING! There’s a whole section in the parking lot exclusively for tailgating alumni and parents. I would never be allowed to walk through this section on account of falling food. Everyone offers me food…but mom says no most of the time. We ought to do something about my mom…She’s WAY too strict!
  1. I’M FAMOUS! Everyone wants to take my picture…and that means Momma’s breaking out my ball. I know that if I’m persistent enough (let’s face it, Bulldog = Persistent), I will get my ball.
  1. HOT DOGS! They are meaty goodness…when I take a bite, it’s like tiny angels of deliciousness dancing on my tongue. What’s that, mom? I seem to swallow them whole and you’re not sure how I’m actually tasting them? Trust me, this is how the sophisticated connoisseur eats…

And my number one favorite thing about Homecoming/Reunion:

  1. PEOPLE! Alumni from when Bryant’s mascot was the Indian, alumni who just stepped through the Archway in May, and new and returning students. I am swimming in people, and I dig it! I don’t like water all that much, but I LOVE swimming in people. My favorite lines: “Is this THE famous Tupper?” and “I LOVE his jersey!” Yep. I’m kind of a big deal. You can check out my photo album from Homecoming/Reunion (and tag yourself if you’re in any pics, for Dog’s sake!).

So there you have it. Tupper’s Top Five Favorite Homecoming/Reunion Activities. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Vine. Get at me! ’Til next time…WOOF!

Rhode Island’s Top Mascots

11 Jul

So here I was, sitting at home around 4 p.m. on Thursday, July 10, when Bryant University’s Twitter account broke the news:

 

Oh my dogness…I’m a star in my home state! I’d like to thank Dog, my family, my social media friends, my students, my alumni, my alma mater….I could go on and on and ON! Mom says not to, though, because, really, I came below a doughboy – not something to be overly proud of.

I ignore mom because I have a joie de vivre she doesn’t. I was SOOOOOO happy, I leapt for joy. And mom was scared, because I was aiming right for her.

Gird your loins! Here I come!

Gird your loins! Here I come!

But then…she caught me. Because she always does.

Here are a couple of interesting facts about this list.

1) I’m the only live mascot (which means I’m WAY more cuddly)

2) I’ve met a few of the mascots on this list. And a few who didn’t quite make the cut this time around.

We were in a YouTube commercial for Cardi’s Furniture. WATCH HERE.

You can read the entire list on the Rhode Island Monthly blog.

Social Media maven

25 Jun

It may be summer, but I’m not resting! While I wait for students to come back, I’m getting acquainted with new social media apps so that I can stay in touch with my humans! Check me out on Vine, user name “Bryant_Tuppy” and you’ll see me in motion.

You may also enjoy this one:

I know I did…

Last one. This is me drinking straight out of the bottle. Smushfaced dogs learn this early, since we’re prone to heat stroke.

Ever Wished That Calvin and Hobbes Creator Bill Watterson Would Return to the Comics Page? Well, He Just Did.

7 Jun

Pearls Before Swine

Bill Watterson is the Bigfoot of cartooning.

He is legendary. He is reclusive. And like Bigfoot, there is really only one photo of him in existence. 

Few in the cartooning world have ever spoken to him. Even fewer have ever met him.

In fact, legend has it that when Steven Spielberg called to see if he wanted to make a movie, Bill wouldn’t even take the call.

So it was with little hope of success that I set out to try and meet him last April.

I was traveling through Cleveland on a book tour, and I knew that he lived somewhere in the area. I also knew that he was working with Washington Post cartoonist Nick Galifianakis on a book about Cul de Sac cartoonist Richard Thompson’s art.

So I took a shot and wrote to Nick. And Nick in turn wrote to Watterson.

And the meeting…

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