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My Top Five Favorite Activities on a Patriots Bye Week

8 Oct
It's 55 degrees Fahrenheit, sunny, and breezy. Let's never leave the lawn chair, Ma!

It’s 55 degrees Fahrenheit, sunny, and breezy. Let’s never leave the lawn chair, Ma!

This article originally appeared in the October 8, 2015, issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

No, we’re not going to have THAT conversation. You know which one. The one where you tell me how terrible the Pats are. I am Boston-born and raised for the first four months of my life. I think that’s the equivalent of 15 years in humans. What’s that, Ma? I was born in Raynham? That’s not Boston? I thought every town/city within 50 miles of the actual Boston was considered Boston…no? Oh, I guess there’s some sort of rule, but Ma doesn’t know because she’s from Rhode Island.

Anyway, my point is that you’re not going to get me to drink your Haterade. BOOM! I bleed red, white, and blue. Actually, my blood is only red. Please don’t cut me. BOL! But one week every football season, three to four hours miraculously opens up, and I can choose a variety of other activities. Pawsome.

I present to you “Tupper’s Top Five Favorite Activities on a Patriots Bye Week”:

  1. APPLE PICKING. There are a ton of apple-picking places in Smithfield. And beyond. A lot of places offer hay rides and hot cider and – OH-MY-DOG – apple cider donuts! What’s not to love? Especially because I’m too short to actually have to do any of the work. I DO love my apple snacks.
  1. NAPS. Naps on naps on naps. This is EXCELLENT weather for napping, don’t you think? Gotta re-charge the batteries. Check the inside of your eyelids for anomalies. If I’m being honest, though, I nap a lot in all types of weather. BOL.
  1. SOCIAL MEDIA UPDATE. I got A LOT of followers. And I’m on Facebook, Twitter, Vine, and Instagram. I don’t always get to see what my friends are up to, and it’s nice to catch up. And my followers demand regular updates from me. It’s the least I can do – share my extreme handsomeness with the world.
  1. DVR DELETING. Catching up on the fall television shows is imperative. What happened to Deacon? What is going on with Castle and Beckett? Why is Gibbs crankier than ever? Inquiring dogs want to know!

And my number one favorite activity on a Patriots bye week is:

  1. QUALITY LAWN CHAIR TIME. What an excellent way to spend an hour or so on a beautiful fall day. And Ma usually takes advantage of the face that we’re outside to give me a good brushing….ahhh…the Kong brush is awesome. The fur is flying. Don’t stop, Ma!

So there you have it. Tupper’s Top Five Activities on a Patriots Bye Week. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Vine. Get at me! I’ll see you soon. ’Til next time…WOOF!

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Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items

24 Oct

But first…lemme take a selfie…

This article first appeared in the October 3, 2014, issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

When you’re a social media maven, such as myself, you see a lot of trending items. I have friends all over the world. Not kidding. And I see different trending items. I’m no different than most – I have opinions. So let’s put these things into a dog’s perspective. I present to you, “Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items”:

  1. ISIS. I don’t even understand what went so horribly wrong here. Isis used to be the Egyptianisis Goddess of Magic and Life. In the mid-1970s, she was on TV Saturday mornings – Archeologist by day, evil-fighting Egyptian goddess when needed. What’s that? Oh…mom says different Isis…well, how am I supposed to know that? She won’t let me watch the news because it’s too violent.
  1. iPHONE 6 BENDS. Wait…this is a problem? Oh, it’s not SUPPOSED to bend! That’s too bad, because now they’re too big to carry. Meh…it’s Apple. No one’s going to stop buying them…ever. They could be poop-shaped, and people would think it’s amazing. I guess my mom thinks my poop is amazing. She collects it…but I digress.
  1. CLOONEY GOT HITCHED. Take note, ladies…if Clooney did it, ANYONE can do it. Even me. I’m pretty much a confirmed bachelor at this point, though. I’ve got a girlfriend, but mom won’t let me talk about her. Okay, okay…her name is “Pillow.” That’s all I can tell you…
  1. WHITE HOUSE JUMPER. Uh, yeah, so somebody should probably do something about White House security. Maybe they should replace their guard dogs with bulldogs. I mean, if someone tries to run past me, I’m tackling them. Seriously. Don’t try it.

And the number one news item this week I want to talk about is:

  1. JETER RETIRES. Wow. Respect, indeed. In my five years of living, I’ve never seen such a production as #2’s farewell season. Whatever the controversy – some people say he wasn’t a great player, some say he was – one thing is certain: He was the consummate professional. I hope someone was taking notes on all the hullabaloo…my retirement is around the corner. But I want to see a LOT more bacon than I did for Jeter’s farewell season…A LOT MORE!

So there you have it. Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, Instagram, Vine, and Twitter. Get at me! ’Til next time…WOOF!