Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items

24 Oct

But first…lemme take a selfie…

This article first appeared in the October 3, 2014, issue of The Archway, Bryant’s student newspaper.

When you’re a social media maven, such as myself, you see a lot of trending items. I have friends all over the world. Not kidding. And I see different trending items. I’m no different than most – I have opinions. So let’s put these things into a dog’s perspective. I present to you, “Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items”:

  1. ISIS. I don’t even understand what went so horribly wrong here. Isis used to be the Egyptianisis Goddess of Magic and Life. In the mid-1970s, she was on TV Saturday mornings – Archeologist by day, evil-fighting Egyptian goddess when needed. What’s that? Oh…mom says different Isis…well, how am I supposed to know that? She won’t let me watch the news because it’s too violent.
  1. iPHONE 6 BENDS. Wait…this is a problem? Oh, it’s not SUPPOSED to bend! That’s too bad, because now they’re too big to carry. Meh…it’s Apple. No one’s going to stop buying them…ever. They could be poop-shaped, and people would think it’s amazing. I guess my mom thinks my poop is amazing. She collects it…but I digress.
  1. CLOONEY GOT HITCHED. Take note, ladies…if Clooney did it, ANYONE can do it. Even me. I’m pretty much a confirmed bachelor at this point, though. I’ve got a girlfriend, but mom won’t let me talk about her. Okay, okay…her name is “Pillow.” That’s all I can tell you…
  1. WHITE HOUSE JUMPER. Uh, yeah, so somebody should probably do something about White House security. Maybe they should replace their guard dogs with bulldogs. I mean, if someone tries to run past me, I’m tackling them. Seriously. Don’t try it.

And the number one news item this week I want to talk about is:

  1. JETER RETIRES. Wow. Respect, indeed. In my five years of living, I’ve never seen such a production as #2’s farewell season. Whatever the controversy – some people say he wasn’t a great player, some say he was – one thing is certain: He was the consummate professional. I hope someone was taking notes on all the hullabaloo…my retirement is around the corner. But I want to see a LOT more bacon than I did for Jeter’s farewell season…A LOT MORE!

So there you have it. Tupper’s Take on Five Top News Items. Don’t forget – I’m on Facebook, Instagram, Vine, and Twitter. Get at me! ’Til next time…WOOF!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: